Some of us either inflict verbal manipulation on others or are on the receiving end and experience it first hand. Verbal manipulation is the result of an imbalance of power in most formed relationships. The manipulator causes the imbalance in the relationship by cleverly executing manipulation and taking control, benefits and or power over their victim.
Anyone can succumb to this kind of abuse, however being alert and aware aids in preventing this from happening. I have come to the conclusion that most verbal abuse if not all include verbal manipulation. If we look closely in our personal lives, the media, our jobs, religious institutions, and other forums, this abuse happens right before our eyes. We just have to be ready and open to the “SCASO Rule, See, Call, and Stamp it Out. I will explain the aforementioned rule in subsequent paragraphs.
I can give many examples of verbal manipulation that occurred in my life but that will be so much reading on your behalf so I will cover just one example. There was a time in my past when I was a real estate salesperson, and I took a class with the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) for certification. In the class was an associate minister of the church where I frequented.
I was happy to know that I was able to experience the class with someone I knew. My mother had passed away about 2-months prior to me taking the class so it gave me comfort to know that someone from the church was near. The class lasted about 3 weeks and in those weeks, I was able to carpool to and from class, eat lunch, and have limited study time while traveling in the car with the minister.
After we completed the course and received our certificates, when on the way home, the minister said words to this affect, I know you are grieving from your mother’s passing, and I am a minister, married, and have children your age, but I can help you if you let me. He continued to say that he could help me with money for bills and anything else that I needed. All I had to do is let him in and be with him by being his mistress.
After my mother passed away, I was somewhat broken. Her passing was sudden and unexpected. I was grieving and vulnerable. When the minister propositioned me, I felt that I was disrespected. I realized that he was taking advantage of me by manipulation and asserting his position as a minister of authority to gain control, power and privileges from me.
I was perturbed with the minister and immediately expressed my disappointment of his behavior. My mother often communicated openly with me about anything, and she did not raise a fool. I fast tracked to the “SCASO Rule.”
The “See, Call, and Stamp it Out Rule, SCASO” is when someone does you wrong, especially verbal manipulation such as what I experienced then you must use it immediately. Firstly, you must see exactly what the person is doing to you by their physical and verbal actions. If you are alert and open your eyes then you will not only see it but will feel in your gut that you are being wronged. You cannot pretend that you did not see or feel it and more importantly, you cannot afford to allow the abuser another chance to do it again. You must act swiftly and proceed to the next step. Secondly, you must “Call it.” After you see and feel the wrong doing by the abuser then you have to call him or her out on it. Tell them you understand what they are trying to do and do not agree with it. Tell them their behavior is unacceptable and jeopardizing the relationship. Thirdly, “Stamp it Out.” You can do this by telling the abuser that you will not allow this to happen again. Doing so will allow the abuser to know that they have no control or power over you. If you do not complete these steps then you will be eaten alive and caught in the power of the abuser, and it will be harder to break free from their control.
Getting back to the minister, I applied the SCASO Rule. I became angry for about 2-minutes. This abuser had the audacity to try to take advantage of my vulnerabilities after losing my mother. Asserting his authority as a minister as if to weld some sort of power over me was unconscionable. I was disgusted. I told this abuser with moxie and firmness that I did not take kindly to what he was doing.
Furthermore, I told the abuser that he should be ashamed of himself using his position in the church to try and manipulate me. I severed the friendship with the abuser to prevent this type of behavior from happening again. I thought that I had gained a friend and someone that genuinely cared about my wellbeing. There was no reason for me to keep this abuser in my life and besides, I no longer felt comfortable with him near me.
He appeared surprised by my confrontation and instantly I noticed shrinkage and cowardliness in his once pompous ego. He respected my disposition and went about his way. I have respect for the minister’s position in the church, but no respect for this man as an abuser.
In conclusion, if you feel that you are experiencing verbal manipulation and not sure then apply the “SCASO Rule.” If you see the abuser’s wrong doing and feel it in your gut, then call it and stamp it out. Apply this rule whenever necessary as it will give you peace of mind.
Thank you for reading my blog and if it helps then please buy my book “Damaged Goods” on the Homepage of this site. A free bookmark is given with each purchase. This book is a great buy and has pearls of wisdom that you can use if verbally abused. You can also buy it as a gift for someone else.
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